When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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