Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
