Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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