I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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