I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
