This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
