Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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