I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
