shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
