Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
