My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
