I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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