It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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