dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
