I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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