I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
