I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
