She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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