I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
