you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
