im about as happy as oj after his trial
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
