you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
