i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
