I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
not ubering you a puppy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
