also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
