..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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