I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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