There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
