do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
