I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
