Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
