I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
