are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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