Can i not drive my cunt home
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
