Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
