I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
