I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
