Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
