I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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