You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
