apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
