Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
