I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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