I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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