i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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