I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
