My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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