so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Everyone says I win the strip club
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
