The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
