I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
