Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
