I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
