but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
