Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
