whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
