just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
