She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
