he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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